3.17.2006
currently playing: heart of sword

aah. i am posting here because it's 4:38 in the morning and while I *should* be doing my english paper...no. just, no. soon. i have about two hours left in my 'day'. two hours to write a draft of two pages, double spaced - and, being a draft, it doesn't need to be any kinda masterpiece.
sooooo boooored though. my rp partner went to bed at 2 - an hour earlier than we were expecting his mom to make him do so (he goes to college, but this was spring break week so he was at home and he and his mom don't get along at all). since then i've just been doing my best to stay amused despite wanting rp badly and having NO ONE ONLINE fdsfgs. at this hour, the only people in chat are the OOCers (fortunately, the ones around tonight are pretty nice ones, not the usual obnoxious scrollers) and the newbs with no interest/skill in rp. yeaargh.

maybe i'll scan some drawings and work on those. i dunno. i really should be drafting my paper, though. ee; it's just...not a topic i'm having much luck getting into. literary criticism of poetry...yeehaw...

eh. it will get done, mind you. and it'll get done on time. but probably at the last possible minute (you have to admit, two hours left without having even started is pretty last minute already).

oh!
oh.
there is news.
RIT open house at the end of the month. i am ridiculously psyched for this. never mind that it entails, like, 6 hrs in a car with family both ways o_o nick has his gameboy and his ipod, and i...could bring my laptop? or whatever. i like traveling, i'll be fine.
RIT RIT RIT. =D just thinking about it gets me all...enthused. i find out my housing assignment august 1st. praying for a single, even if it's almost guaranteed i'm not getting one. though they said one might open up for the next quarter...i wonder if i'll feel like moving, though, or just put it off till sophomore year. we'll see how it goes, i guess.

wel'p. i'm gonna close up here. drawings to work on, a paper to FINALLY GET AROUND TO, etc. stay frosty.

-she fell asleep at 4:38 AM

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3.15.2006
i am currently listening to Frontier Psychiatrist, played back at twice normal speed.
mind you, it's not all chipmunky and high-pitched. just fast.
the word for this, on the intarwebs, is "ROFLMAO", or possibly "roflcopter".

i will be posting here the next time i'm drugged.
-she fell asleep at 2:48 PM

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2.28.2006
currently playing: image or...

fdsfgs. jan. 17th? i really have been neglecting this thing. shame on me.

so what's there to say lately? not like anyone out there probably reads this. only a few people ever did to start with, so...eh.

the news as of late: i have an open house coming up for rit ;D hard hard win. i can't wait. hell, i just can't wait to *get* there. i'm gonna be on my own (a privilege i fully intend to abuse, thank you very much)!

uh, school's going okay. it's boooring but it's okay.

BORING is a word that deserves some elaboration, as it is the majority of my life at the moment at hand. i've become very ennui and very disinterested, and i'm not sure if it's my depression rearing its ugly head (despite the continued cymbalta - i hate the stuff these days, btw, as it makes me sick as fuck if i forget more than one day at a time and then resume it) or if i'm just a second-semester senior with terminal laziness. or what. i don't even know. but it's...well, not very exciting. a lot of sleep is involved (but very little at night - i'm almost completely nocturnal as much as school will allow, ie i wake up for school, sleep all afternoon, stay up at night. etc.) the worst part, i guess, is the isolation. i spend all day shut up in my room, by my own volition, and it's uncomfortable because i know it isn't right but it feels good, it feels safe. i like it up here by myself with my laptop and my blankets.

uhm. geez, what is there to say? i've gotten re-involved in my old haunts of the ED community (love! @ them) and have also gotten myself a deviantart account, finally. i'm struggling in physics, doing notably better in english, winning in psych and owning hard in graphics. i rp naruto with a passion (though not as much as i'd like; i only have one partner) as iruka and genma...i haven't written anything in ages, but i'm still drawing...

guess that's all.
i'm not dead! nor do i plan to be any time soon.
-she fell asleep at 9:04 PM

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1.17.2006
currently playing: swanky street

and so another day begins.
(even if yesterday never quite ended. i pulled another all-nighter---oh snap!)

today seems like it could be good. that may just be the sunlight pouring through the window setting off some chemical reaction in my head, firing some synapse or releasing some neurotransmitter, but damned if it isn't a nice feeling.
today could be good.

i finished my english paper a few hours ago. i'm hoping it's not too bsy, because i know i had a lot to say and didn't *have* to bs, i'm just not sure if i did. and it's lanese, so if it's bs, i'm not getting away with it. i hope she likes it. i mean, i really personally want her to like it. it may have been last minute, but it wasn't rushed or frenzied, and the ideas in it are solid. i want her to like it, and grade it well, and be pleased with me for getting it in on time. i want ms rowe to recognize that even if i got those essays done late, i *did* get them done, and should get credit. it's tuesday, you know? but it's a tuesday to start the week. mondays suck. this is a much better day for an optimistic bit of new-week-clean-slate hopefulness.

even the upcoming midterms aren't getting me down. english will be fine and there's no stress of studying...physics will probably be a bitch but i will study...graphics is almost done, and *that* is gonna take some heavy bsing...and...what. psych? psych will be fine. a little review and all will be well with that one. and i have AMAZING notes. i take them every day. thoroughly. so i have nothing to worry about there.
(and hey, i did my psych homework too. did it early, a few days ago when i couldn't sleep. go me!)

i've got a cd burning at the moment and would like to make a recommendation to anyone reading.
vishna mohan bhatt. he's an indian classical guitarist, and his music is incredible. i've heard two songs and i'm hooked. and i've never listened to indian classical guitar before, mind you. but my psychiatrist recommended him. AMAZING. it's like...not even earthly. there's something higher about it. he invented his own guitar, which he calls a mohan veena...19 strings. in strange places, if that picture was any indication. some crazy hybrid of traditional, hawaiian, and indian guitars, and then some. it's surreal. listen to his stuff, man. it's very...peaceful. good for the heart, i think.

and now the cd's done, and i'm leaving for school in a few minutes. take care, dear readers. (silence echoes. crickets chirp.)
oh, and there's new fanart up. sure enough, i got away from the yaoi for a few drawings. there's one of genma and raidou that's completely platonic, one of anko and aoba that is equally platonic (and anko's a woman anyways) and one of chouji that's just freaking cute. yes! go look. ninjas.

brokeback mountain apparently swept the globes last night. i watched a little of the end.
that is all.
-she fell asleep at 7:47 AM

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1.15.2006
currently playing: don't speak [happy hardcore techno remix]

freaky freaky dreams today. i need to record them.

first part: at my gramma's house or somewhere sort of similar, but with an attic. i remember coloring in these boxes - oh, this was after a shopping trip, for some reason the store we were in had all these "O RLY?" things xD which was cool. anyways. back at the house, after coloring the patterns on the boxes, i was in the attic space with my two little cousins, who i should note have been raised very religiously. anyways, we somehow got to discussing what constituted a sin - and we got really weird about it, like, if you dress up as someone, in a costume, is that bearing false witness and thus sinful? anyways, there was this weird little fort inside the attic space, and they went in there and i remember it just got CREEPY at this point. they were saying things, maybe chanting? and they wouldn't let me in...i remember these unearthly, emaciated little girls, like ghosts, telling me i had sinned and stuff...i think they locked me in a cupboard...and when i came back out and downstairs to everyone, i had wasted away to almost nothing and was totally traumatized, shaking and mumbling the same things over and over again.

creepy.

there was some other, less creepy stuff too.

and then there was this part where me and a few people were trying to kill ourselves in these surreal ways. i think we tried to put lethal chemicals in popsicles and then eat them, and then we tried putting them on razor blades and cutting our arms...anyways, we got chased by these spectres that were like...punishing us for the sin of suicide. they chased us till they caught us, i'm not sure what happened to us after that. i can't remember whether we all got caught, but i know we all got chased. it was very weird.

so there's that.
-she fell asleep at 6:24 PM

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1.13.2006
currently playing: pac-man techno remix

hay guyz, remember me?

been a while. i've been posting elsewhere, i confess. i guess it's a question of readership. i don't think anyone reads this one, and alas, i have no way of knowing without scrapping my layout and trying to find one with comments worked into it (i tried to do this myself, months ago. had no luck coding it.)

so maybe i should let this go, but you know? it's a tradition. it turned...was it two years old last september? i think? so i hate to abandon it.

i think this is the inaugural 2006 post. happy 2006! it's my class-of-__ year! i started it off a little ennui, a little depressed about my lack of accomplishments thus far, but i'm trying to stay positive (i say this under the influence of my new buddy Cymbalta). i mean, this is the YEAR. the year of rochester.

regarding that! it's progressed nicely. i love RIT already. they're constantly mailing me things, always keeping me updated on exactly where i am. i'm getting a pretty sizeable scholarship - two, actually, plus whatever money i make off their co-op program (mmmm, work experience in my study field! cash and learning!) plus i guess i'm approved for some kind of loan. point is, it's a lot of financial strain off the parents and the savings, which is a relief all around. and they're merit scholarships, which makes *me* happy, because i have this sense of accomplishment. like, i -earned- them, you know? of course, i have to hold up a... 2.89 or something (the letter labeled it as a b-, i don't remember if it was 2.8 or something close to that) to keep getting said scholarships, but i can do that.

i am going to do so freaking well in college. i have extreme confidence in that. class wise, i mean. not sure about the living-on-my-own part, but i'll be okay. i will, really. i'm psyched. did apply for a single room. i'm on a waiting list - might be able to get one for the winter and spring quarters, but freshmen usually don't in the fall quarter. still, whatever i can get i'll take. i don't think i'm cut out to be a roommate - i'm messy, and i keep really strange hours, and i like to have my music playing around me (although that's work-around-able, with headphones). it's the hours, mostly. i wouldn't spring those on anyone else. i mean, especially once i can schedule my own classes. there's going to be a lot of sleeping late and staying up all night, i can tell you that right now.

whatever the case, though, i remain soooo excited. a little freaked out, understandably, because this is a BIG change. abandoning all i know and lean on for a new environment. no more parents or brother around (good, but it'll be weird as hell), fending for myself, controlling my own life...it's gonna be surreal. but good-surreal.

so that's the main item of importance. i don't wanna rant about current-school right now, or rp, or current-life in any of its details. it's all proceeding pretty evenly.

i've blogged here about the laptop, right? lost it for a week due to a tanking english grade which i am in the process of bringing back up. mom's making it clear i won't get away with senioritis D: alas. so i did some makeup work for psych tonight. i'm actually holding down an 82 or so (it may have changed since, i dunno, probably not by much unless i really really failed yesterday's test) in physics, the hardest class...graphics is an easy a, and two credits worth of it. not a bad curriculum at all.

ha, and i said i wouldn't rant about now-school.

well, i'm done here. school in two hours or so, just going to chill and udate things till then, i guess. maybe draw. i've drawn a lot lately, go observe if you like. the yaoi is pretty pervasive, but if you're reading this, that shouldn't surprise you at all. one of my new year's resolutions is to...not draw *less* yaoi, but to draw less in proportion to my artwork as a whole. you know, vary it a little. more solo pictures, more non-pairing pictures. maybe even a hetero or two (gasp). or some lesbians =D fuuu.

g'nightg'morning.
-she fell asleep at 5:35 AM

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12.20.2005
currently playing: paper triangle

hands off in front of my mom, she doesn't wanna see it any more than i want her to =/ makes me uncomfortable anyways.

i got a TALK fdsfgs. the kind that ends in "if you're having sex, you're going to need birth control"

the timing has me all freaked out >_>

in other news, my caffeine high has worn off and i'm feeling a little bleh. largely because i feel like i'm lying to my mom, and i'm really not, i just didn't know how to explain things. i didn't want it to come off as some snarky friends-with-benefits deal.

ah, hell. see? this is why i didn't want to. i remember now X_X

iiiii neeeeeed sleeeeep. yes. zzz.

and the pillows are AMAZING.
-she fell asleep at 4:36 PM

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currently playing: last dinosaur

iiiiiiiii gooooooot soooooooome

X)
-she fell asleep at 12:42 AM

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